>> Thursday, November 17, 2005
"It is only when we silent the blaring sounds of our daily existence that we can finally hear the whispers of truth that life reveals to us, as it stands knocking on the doorsteps of our hearts. ~K.T. Jong".
Last night, while lying on the bed for quite some time, I suddenly realized that I was speaking to myself. The thoughts which came to my mind suddenly made me realize that its long since I have thought anything about myself. I had been visiting others so frequently but its long since I had visited myself. The change in my existence, the change in my personality, the change in my nature…..oh my god, so many things have changed in me & I never realized it with the passing time. In this daily race between priorities of home, career & family I never thought of my own priorities. In fact, few days back, I was having some free time & that time I used to feel really lonely. I used to feel bad about my forlornness & tried to keep myself busy with some or other activities. I never tried to sit peacefully & think about myself. But after my yesterday’s encounter with solitude, I realized that I never wanted to be alone as I was running away from myself. I was missing the absence of others, as I wasn’t enjoying the presence of my own self. My rendezvous with solitude made me realize that I wasn’t considering my existence worthy enough to think about it. My solitude gave me the time to introspect & think about myself. It gave me the solutions to my so many unresolved problems. Well more surprising was that it wasn’t anyone else who gave me these solutions, it was me only who found out these solutions. It was me only who made me realize my inner strengths which I used to have. I remembered my struggle, my patience, my determination, my courage, my ambition & my dreams. I think somewhere in the daily rush of life, unhealthy competition & demanding relationships, I had lost myself. I had lost my inner drive & vivacity. Thanks to my solitude, I found these again. Earlier I had read a few things about solitude, but I realized the importance of it yesterday. I realized that you can only feel unhappy by your loneliness if you don’t enjoy your own company. I realized that its important to visit your own self once in a while to recognize your own strengths. I realized that if you are actually lost & you don't know the way ahead in your life, then you should just sit quietly & think peacefully for sometime and believe me, you will find some or other way out. I realized that the best & most peaceful moment of your day is when you are actually not speaking to anyone else but to yourself, your ears are not listening to anything else but to yourself & your eyes are not looking at anything else but at yourself.