Introspection

And my spine disc problem is back, that too with a big bang. Intense pain along with stiffer back. All the extra work load & hectic schedule for last so many weeks finally took its toll on my health. Week was but naturally full of medicines, injections, traction, IFTs and other physio sessions. 1^st half of the week was bed ridden and had to take off from work & 2^nd half somehow managed to drag myself to work for few hours. Yeah had to go as it was impossible to neglect work, so much was pending on my head along with a completely new management team to deal with! Every day when I went to work, it reminded me of the expression which doctor had on his face this time, he had his standard suggestion ready on his lips – “madam till the time you won’t change your lifestyle & work habit I really can’t treat you completely. You need to exercise regularly & reduce your work hours otherwise you’ll keep on coming back with same problem & disc prolapse again & again”.

Hmmm, I know & I know it sooo very well, after all this must be the 100^th time that he would have suggested me the same. But this time he was grimmer & so was I. The pain was so intense & so sudden that both me & N had got scared. Having experienced this problem lot many times I am very well aware of the repercussions of the same on long term life and I also know that there is no permanent cure to a disc problem apart from having a healthy life style and lesser hours of continuous work. But despite all my intentions to follow a daily fitness regime I always fail to maintain so. Reason? Well, on a normal day I leave for work at 8 am & by the time I come back late night I am dead tired to do any kind of exercises etc. And these days because of so many changes at office it has become worse, there is no time of my work getting finished, it can be anything between 8, 9, 10, 11 pm or many times even more i.e., past mid night. No I don’t work till this late hour happily neither I am workaholic by choice, it’s just that this is the demand of my job & current organization. Working in a start-up has its own challenges. While work wise it’s definitely very exciting & you get to learn whole lot of thing in a short span of time but then it requires some serious amount of commitment as well. I’ve worked in some large companies earlier & have been working in this start-up for last 2.25 years now & all I can say based on my experience is that such role in start-up companies really needs 24x7x365 kind of commitment. For some aspects of life it’s good & some aspects it’s bad too. And now when I’m at a situation of deciding whether it’s more good or more bad then honestly speaking I’m confused. N is upset due to my health situation and so am I; I’m not able to figure out how to handle all this. It’s really not pleasant to go through same pain again & again but at the same time it’s not even easy to decide whether I should re-look at my professional path currently. I know I can’t say no to work load in my current organization but then will I be able to sustain all this considering my frequent visits to hospitals these days? Do I need to re-prioritize certain things in my life right now? Is this hard work of any real worth? Well, I’ve been thinking & thinking & only thinking since last 3 days & have not reached to any conclusion yet…I’m confused, puzzled & totally baffled! I don't know what to do next...