Motherhood & Guilt (Talking Parrot – 2)

Last day of the first month of 2014! Wow, time flying, running and what not. So, what’s up with you all? Hope you had a great start to the new-year.

Well for me, life’s going on with more hiccups but some fun too, busier but with new learning too, tougher but with more… errm wait, what’s my life if it’s not tough. Don’t remember when was the last time that it was simple, or as per plan or easy. But whatever it is, it’s going on. More on some key changes in my life this year in my next post. As of now, I’m back with my talking parrot series with the little one :).

Early morning I was standing in the balcony when suddenly I heard the gas lighter being clicked. Surprised I wondered who was in the kitchen, as husband had gone for his morning run and little one was sleeping. Immediately I rushed inside only to be completely horrified by what I saw next. The little dude had pulled a small stool near the kitchen slab, stood on it, had switched on the gas burner and was clicking the lighter from a distance. Oh god! I can’t explain how scared I got for a moment. Immediately I pulled him down, switched off the knob and got mad at him. I shouted for good a minute or two I think – “why didn’t you call me when you woke up, why do you try to do things which are beyond your age, kuch ho jata toh, oh god why can’t he sit peacefully even for a minute, how can a two-year old be so difficult to deal with, blah blah blah & some more blah”.

When I was done with my shouting, little one climbed up on stool again and innocently asked me:

He: Mumma Tai peeogi?

Me: What?

He: Tai Tai (Chai).

Me: Dumbstruck I looked at him silently

He: Aaj Ni Mumma te liye Tai banayega!

Once again I don’t think I can express it in words how I felt at that moment. With welled up eyes, guilt within, I looked at his innocent expression. And within seconds my emotions took hundred and eighty degree turn! Thousands of thoughts flashing across my mind – why wasn’t I more patient, why did I get irritated without trying to understand what he was trying to do and many more… Gawd, motherhood is one hell of a complicated thing. Apart from making your emotional gland hyperactive, it also makes this emotion known as “guilt” super productive. You do whatever, this damn guilt doesn’t leave you at peace!

While the sensible brain told me that I reacted for all right reasons, after all within few seconds something really bad could have happened with that gas stove on but the emotional side kept on telling me – has anyone ever offered you tea in the morning since you left your mom’s house? Wasn’t it the sweetest thing a two year old could think of doing for you? It was, it really was…