Of Relationships - Part 1

This is not the first rather third incidence, which I would have heard in last one month. Yet another close couple separating their ways and yet again in a very ugly way! Friends’ going through divorce has become a common norm these days, earlier we used to get surprised a lot but now it has sort of become acceptable to us. In some cases its better that they separated their ways and in others we kept on wondering why did they do so, wasn’t it too small a reason to end their relationship? But as we know, to each its own and we can’t be judgmental about any relationship esp. of a very personal relationship like husband and wife. But you know in some cases, it does feel bad when you see them going through emotional trauma of separation for weeks and months together. Some are smart but not all are yet adapted to this “move on” philosophy in life and they go through hell lot of turbulence inside to accept this “moving on” funda.

Now the reason to write this post is a different observation in all these three divorces – in all three cases its the women who have walked out of their relationship. Nothing wrong in that and being a liberal woman myself I am of very strong opinion that in today’s age women are not bound to accept the male dominance in any relationship. If it’s not working out for them, they have equal rights to seek liberty from a bad relationship as against continuing to be the bearer of miseries forever. But then, being married for sometime now, I also believe that marriages can’t run on ego, one needs to adjust and adapt to the relationship and continuously work on it to keep it lively and enjoyable. Then, why am I surprised to see these women walking out of their relationships? Well, let me describe one case here and then would love to hear your opinion on this.

So, this couple had gone for a love marriage, knew each other for at least 4 years before they got married. They stay in a nuclear family; husband’s mom (father not there) stays in her hometown but occasionally comes to visit them once or twice a year. He is the only child and lost his father at very young age, mom brought him single-handedly and ensured to give him good education and career. Girl knew all this earlier as well though somehow she could never adjust to her mother in law even if her visits used to be for hardly a month in a year. The conflict has mainly been between the lifestyle differences plus the girl being a metro bred one was never ok with her old MIL staying with them. She never had seen any of her grand parents staying with them in their household and was not willing to put up with additional responsibilities in her life. We always felt that the girl was too rude, too arrogant and too independent for a married life with a middle class family oriented man, but then you know we are no one to make any such judgments on their relationships. Though as neighbors we always knew that there used to be chaos and this girl used to shout at top of his voice on her MIL, at times we used to wonder how can someone shout like that on her husband’s mom but then…

This girl is a popular social media figure, has enough of Facebook fans, Twitter following and blog readers in front of whom she has created a perfect image. And why not, after all it’s so easy to project this “perfect” image in virtual world, to add to that she is quite chatty and good at networking. She has so called friends who are mainly her friends from virtual world and who think that this girl is just too happening and cool! We’re sure half of her these virtual friends have not met her even once, though as it goes in social media these days – ‘you follow me, I follow you’; ‘I crib and you give me twugs, you crib and I give you awww baby hugs’; ‘you like my comments and I like yours’. Same was the case with her, this girl will crib and criticize about her MIL and how miserable her married life is, that she is going through domestic violence and she has enough such virtual friends and pseudo counselors who will come and tell her things like “awwww baby, you must not tolerate this shit and don’t worry we are with you”! I have no idea how are they going to be with her when she has now decided to walk out of her relationship only because her husband has not agreed to her terms of cutting off all his terms with his mother. We were there when that last fight was going on, the girl stormed out of her house and said, “you wanna see what can I do to you if you will not agree to me”, she hurt her hand badly by banging it on the gate and then ran outside, went to the nearest police station and complained with teary eyes that she has been beaten by her husband! The guy was in lock up whole night…anyways they are now on a path to separation and which is happening in a very ugly way. Girl has put enough blame on him and has always threatened him to spoil his image badly. But obviously she had some husband’s friends also in her Facebook friend’s list and every time she puts one such comments about her bad MIL or sad married life, husband had to face enough embarrassment. Though husband’s friends know him and his personality but then this virtual gang of hers is too large in a number. Few real ones tried to comment on her blog posts about some bit of realities as against the perception which she has built but now she has made her blog private.

We have no idea what she is up to, why she went ahead and got her 4 month pregnancy aborted just because she does not want to have any “liability” from her relationship with her current husband and how can people console her without knowing the reality by saying stuffs like “ohhhh poor gal, don’t worry everything will be fine and don’t take any shit from that man, we are there with you”.

Hmmmm…. having spent some good amount of time with them we do feel sad for them and more for her… we think she is living in a mirage and her virtual existence has dominated her real one totally. She thinks she is sort of a celebrity and she has enough help available for her esp. with so many people justifying her stance. But wonder how many of them are for real and will they have same opinion when they will come to know of some realities of their life? Will they really come to help her or share her loneliness in real life?

Do you also think that these days virtual personalities are dominating the real ones for some people? Do you think that virtual successes of some people actually get on to their heads? Do you think that its good to be judgmental and offer blind support to someone esp. in as serious matters as relationships and separation just because you don’t want to lose that follower of yours on twitter or regular commentator on your blog?

This is just one incidence, I will come back with few more such real life cases as I do see it happening around me and at an increasing rate now.