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Kho na jaye ye


“Kho na jaye ye, tare zameen per…”, these words are buzzing again in my mind since yesterday. Ok, first a confession – when I had watched this movie in 2007, I actually was all teary eyed for most part of the movie. Having lived in hostels since childhood, the song “par andhere se main darta hoon maa” had moved me in a way that can’t be expressed in words. By the end of the movie it was quite an embarrassing situation to face my husband and friends with swollen red eyes and wet cheeks. Like many others I too had loved, loouuuueeed the movie then. By chance I happened to watch it again yesterday. And to say that I “cried” again while watching it would be such an understatement! Not only did I cry, I actually cried buckets or rather tanks or maybe pools… errr let’s leave it at that. Well, this time I was not just with welled up eyes rather it was what you can call as flooded eyes. Difference between then and now? Well, last time I just watched it as a regular viewer but this time I watched it as a Mom. And trust me it had a different impact all together! 

Oh the character of Ishaan and scenes like the last ones where early morning he gets ready on his own… all these suddenly had a perspective of “what if our little one had to face this or what if our little one had to do that”. Surprising part was that it was not only me who was so emotional about it but even the husband dear who otherwise makes fun of anybody who cries reading a fiction or watching a movie was himself silent and wet eyed. Sigh we have indeed become parents I think, we now get sentimental about anything and everything around us 

But the movie also made me rethink about many things related to child upbringing yet again. Imagine a special talent like Ishaan getting lost in this world if he would not have met a teacher like Nikumbh and let’s face it, in reality there are actually very few Nikumbhs existing in our society. Imagine the bullying which a child like him has to face just because he’s not good at maths or science. Imagine the kind of pressure, which a child like him has to bear to fulfill his parents’ expectations that have been set for him without evaluating what he is good at or what does he like to do. And from where do such expectations come from? From parents’ own dreams or through their aspirations for their child? Nah, in most of the cases it comes from comparisons! Comparison with siblings, cousins, friends / acquaintances / society / colleagues’ kids, classmates and many more! And when does this comparison start? When your child starts going to school or starts moving out socially? Again a nah! To be honest, these days such comparisons start even before the little soul has arrived in this world. Yes right, it does start from womb! Seven months into motherhood and I think I can state this fact with full conviction.

I can see it, feel it and experience it all around me. You go to park or any social circle and there are moms discussing what their kids can do. There is a serious comparative analysis that exists for kids of any age including toddlers and babies. Oh your baby doesn’t eat this but my baby does and you know this particular food boosts brain development by X %. Oh your baby has not started talking yet but mine toh started babbling at the age of Y months only, you know in preschools they check how good your baby is at speech or expression. Haven’t you introduced him to this series of videos, arrey they’re must for cognitive learning or mind training? From first tooth to width of smile to duration of sitting straight to number of steps in first walk to what he eats to how much she talks, there is this unsaid competition amongst most of the parents for almost everything – how come my baby didn’t do it first? It starts from there and then slowly moves on to Mathematics scores, sports activities, board exam results, engineering, medical, foreign degrees, so on & so forth. The ‘other’ child is always doing better and hence you’re supposed to do and follow what son or daughter of X, Y, Z is doing. In some cases it works but in most cases as per me such comparisons or expectations only lead to a burdened childhood and un-nurtured dreams. 

Being a mother I have just these simple wishes for myself now – may I never get affected by what others’ children are doing; may I always have the sensibility to understand and appreciate the uniqueness of my child; whatever my child’s potential be, may I always be successful in making him realize that he is indeed the most special gift god could have ever given us! Yes he is and I know almost every parent feel the same, it’s just that some have to be reminded back at certain stages of life. 

Phew a long emotional rant after long but didn’t I tell ya earlier that parenthood makes your emotional glands hyperactive ;-)


5 comments :

Jack said...

Kanupriya,

One of the major tasks in parenting is to make a child have full confidence in self and unfortunately most of the parents fail in that miserably by making child feel inferior by comparisons. We should let the child develop inbuilt talent by encouraging and guiding if needed but never by putting him or her down by pointing out those better in something or the other. I learnt this from my parents and followed it for our children. They have not let us down. Now we try it with grandchildren and let them have fun while learning.

Take care

Jack said...

Kanupriya,

One of the major tasks in parenting is to make a child have full confidence in self and unfortunately most of the parents fail in that miserably by making child feel inferior by comparisons. We should let the child develop inbuilt talent by encouraging and guiding if needed but never by putting him or her down by pointing out those better in something or the other. I learnt this from my parents and followed it for our children. They have not let us down. Now we try it with grandchildren and let them have fun while learning.

Take care

Sumana said...

Now let me tell you Kanu, I did cry reading your post, rather io felt so touched. I know the movie the song especially is so heart wamring and soon after you turn into a mother, it means a whole lot more. But i must confess though you try and tell yourself you are not supposed to compare and all that we just fall into the rat race. It is hard to keep oneself away in this competitive world...

Tanu said...

Ok, I had tears while reading this. This post looks like straight from heart and may I as a mother also be able to do the same as you have mentioned in your last para.

Mom of A and a said...

Totally agree with you! They are kids only once! Let them enjoy their childhood!!
Thanks for commenting at my blog so I could come over to yours!! :))

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