Cynicism

I was dreading this day since last one week…it’s Holi today and as expected our day started with both me and mom getting up in tears. No, I don’t have the courage to console my mom today when I am myself feeling so dreadful. First thing which this holi reminded me of was all the planning which we did just a day prior to that fateful day when Kishu left us. For last few years, I have not spent holi at my place, I was either at my job location or with my in-laws. This year since I had just made a trip to my in-laws place in Jan, so we decided to gather up in Mumbai for holi at my brother’s place. Some long planning sessions were done between me and my mom about how we all can meet up this time and have holi together. But well, we never knew what was in store for us next day! Forget about knowing, we never even could have imagined it then that something like this was waiting for us…and they say to believe on saying “whatever happens, happens for good”. REALLY???

It’s all festive and colorful around me, people in office are playing Holi and I am HATING it. For the first time, I think I am not liking anything colorful and bright around me, today for the first time I do not repent office being open on a festival, I thought at least I will have some respite from all the festivity around me, for the first time I am really not liking everybody smiling , enjoying & dancing around me. People insisted so much to at least join for the lunch outing today and maybe I could have done that, but here I am sitting on my desk alone typing this post as I really-really didn’t have the heart to go out on lunch… I can’t and I don’t feel like! My rational mind says if I am not celebrating holi, this does not mean everybody will not play holi. They have all the rights to enjoy their life and I should at least smile on their requests if I can’t join that celebration. But don’t know why, I am finding this smile also very difficult to come today. Isn’t it wrong to behave like this? Am I being too cynical? I don’t know…