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The New Stuff

Holding or breaking down?

Sorrow you can hold, however desolating, if nobody speaks to you. If they speak, you break down. ~Bede Jarrett



Read this quote on a website yesterday morning & thought of posting it on my blog but for some reason didn’t do it. When I read it today yet again I couldn’t resist myself from sharing it here. I find this quote to be so relatable & so very true. I am trying to overcome the pain but somehow find it to be too deep to overcome. Rational mind says that I need to hold my tears back but there is this emotional force deep within which always overcomes my rational mind these days. Colleagues & friends around me say that there is no point in being silent and I need to speak it out…& that silence is the refuge which cowards or depressed people take, the courageous ones speak & fight it out! But then they don’t know that speaking has its own disadvantages too. I think if I am silent, I can still manage to hold back my sorrow but if I speak esp. to my closed ones I can’t help myself from breaking down. I understand that I can’t keep on crying in office & I try to keep myself composed as much as possible but despite me trying to avoid this colleague of mine with whom I am close, when I met her last week I couldn’t hold back my tears at all. Yesterday some close friends visited my place & again despite N convincing me & me being mentally prepared to not cry in front of them, I couldn’t stop myself from breaking down…when they sat near me or touched my hand I just couldn’t. I don’t know if it’s my own weakness / cowardice or the proximity which I share with them which made me do so but then there are certain behavior to which no logic or rationale can be applied. It is true – “you can hold your sorrow if nobody speaks to you but if they speak you can’t”.


11 comments :

TreazureChest_Nids said...

Its ok sweetheart. Its definitely not weakness or cowardice...its pure instinct. Don't even think that u need to be rationale with us...One does not feel free enough to express in front of strangers but with friends its different.

Kishu is watching over you n aunty. He wants to see u n aunty at peace. Help him do so.

luv u

Sneha Divakar said...

hey.. glad you are back to blogging.
c'mon you ll heal with time. don't go hard on yourself... it ll definitely get better :)

Iya said...

i completly agree with what Nidhi has said...
u are right when u say “you can hold your sorrow if nobody speaks to you but if they speak you can’t”. but holding the sorrow will not help..u are being very strong the way u have held your composure in front of aunty but letting it go infront of us is perfectly normal..
luve and hugs to u and aunty..

Smita said...

Let the tears fall. Don't think too much about how will you fight the whole situations or emotions...

But jitna ro utna hi thoda muskura bhi do :-) think about the good times and take strength from them....

Take Care!!!

Kanupriya said...

@ Nids: Yea, m trying...

@ Sneha: Hope it does

@ Iya: thanks

@ Smita: thanks

Abhishek said...

Hey... terribly sorry to know of that. I am really feeling bad. Hadn't seen your earlier post so this one came as shock!

I know its hard, but like everyone else I too would request you to please let the sorrows flow away, so that you can get back to life.

WSW said...

visited your blog for the first time.Sadness at your loss.But be strong for your mother if no one else. I am sure kishu is in a better place.

god bless u.

Kanupriya said...

@Abhishek: Yeah...trying to

@ WSW: Thanks for dropping by...m trying to.

Renu said...

I am really at loss of words, for your pain. But crying is not unnatural, when my father died, I used to cry so easily at each and everything, even my brother, mom, none could do anything normally without crying..be it any festival, celebration, but you know time is the biggest healer. Slowly slowly they came to be their normal self, though still rmember him, but with fond memories only.
Just think of one thing how will you brother feel, when he sees his own people so sad and he is helpless even to wipe their tears, he will be at peace only if you people make peace with life.
I am here first time, but my heart goes out to you.
Its only God who gives us strength in tough times and he will give you also.

Kanupriya said...

@ Renu: Thanks for visiting my blog...I hope god gives all of us the strength to deal with it. All I know is that its really difficult & almost impossible to still believe that he is not there with us till now.

tellmeyourdreams said...

all i can say is that u and aunty are th strongest people i have ever known and i know u will bounce back...

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