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The New Stuff

It pains, really pains!

N insists that I should try to get back to normal life slowly…I have resumed back work but he wants me to divert my mind to those things which I used to enjoy earlier like painting, blogging, cooking etc. Even my closest friend insists me to do so & I know both of them are saying it for my benefit only. It’s for their sake that I started to write this post today…but don’t know what to write. I think I opened a blank page in the morning but all I could feel is blank and numb. Trust me N & T, I don’t know how to get back to life again…I am trying, I really am but it is difficult…difficult & difficult. I know its 31 days today, almost a month since Kishu left us but tell me, is it possible to overcome a life-long association in just 31 days? It pains, really pains deep inside, something which I can’t express in words…I can’t divert my mind to anything but to think as to how am I supposed to live my whole life without my brother without whom I couldn’t have even imagined one day of my life? Why did God decide to take such a young soul away and how am I supposed to react after seeing my stone-eyed mom who had to bear the worst pain of her life without any fault? When I could not get over the death of my friend since last 8 months, how am I supposed to deal with a loss as big as Kishu? It is excruciating & unbearable…& cruel & ... words fail!


Anonymous said...

Luv u dudette.
We know your pain and we are equally hurt in this grief and nothing in the world can make us forget his memories and they will come back.
But we also have to live and move past this for Mom and others.This is a cruel reality of life and we have to accept it.These kind of incidences in life makes you think that life is small and precious so live each moment as much as one can as we never know when will it end.
May god rest Kishu's soul in peace.We'll all pray that rest of us in family remain together for many more years to come.
Nothing more God.......pleaeseeeeeee.

Anonymous said...

btw, good that u considered our request but now u have to pour your heart out with a daily post and not keep your thoughts bugging you within yourself........ Just spit out all the negative emotions here and turn them in a positive blog...These will remind you of what you have gone through and will help in moving forward with more courage and resilience.
Sorry, I started my gyan here as well...LOL, but I really mean it .
You are a brave girlie.;-)

Smita said...

Am so sorry!!!

But seriously I agree with N & T you've to get your life back on track not for you but for your mother, you have to show strength. Life isn't always fair but we have cope with the way it is.

So dear as your frenz say try doing things which u love, it will divert your mind....

Take care and smile dear :)

Nautankey said...

Hey so sorry to hear that.Hope you get strength to get back,its going to be tough though.

Take care.

tellmeyourdreams said...

I see this as the 1st step towards ur struggle to get back to normalcy..i know the word normalcy is far easy to write than to regain in ur context. but u have to do it kanu and i know u can becoz u are one of the strongest women i have ever known. remember we care and shall stand by u forever

TreazureChest_Nids said...

Love you sweetheart.... the reality really really sucks and one can't see any logic to it but u got to brave it out for all the others who love you esp. for aunty & N. I am sure he is watching over you and wants you to do wat all others are. a biigggggggggg hug 2 u dear.

Iya said...

hugs to you sweetheart...
i know that right now things don’t make any prayers are with you and N and with aunty and rest of the family.. Nothing more god...pleaseeee
N is right, come here and just write what ever is going thoguh ur mind...
more than anything else, aunty needs you the most right now and for her you have to be very brave and u will be..
lots of love to u...we are with you..

Kanupriya said...

@N, Smita, Nautankey, Tellmeyourdreams, Treasurechest_Nids, Iya: Thanks for all your kind words...I only pray one thing these days to god..."if you have given us this pain, please give us courage as well to cope up with it", otherwise with all my normal courage it is really difficult to deal with it!

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