She spoke to her mom first but mom being in need of money from that household just told the 8 year old Rajni to stay away from Sir. She replied, “but Maa I never go to him, he himself calls me in his room to do some or other work and starts doing ……”. “Rubbish”, interrupted the mother immediately, “it’s in hands of the girl to save her own image and dignity”. “What dignity maa?” “Nothing, just don’t go to his room and don’t speak to Madam about it, we will do our work here and go home. Don’t mention this to anyone else as well, otherwise people will think that I’m using you to make more money and will create bad name for us.” What dignity & what name…Rajni was confused, for her 8 year old mind was just not equipped enough to understand these things. All she knew was that if she will tell it to someone else, her mother’s name would be spoilt and so she has to remain silent.

This went on for months, sometimes she was successful in avoiding him whereas at others she was not. He would fondle her, play with her, molest her and threaten her to not tell these things to his wife or her mother. At times threatening went on to physically abusing her too but in a 'different' way! Rajni was scared to come to that house but did not want to stay at her own home also as if not Sir there was her drunkard father ready to beat and abuse her for whatever reason possible. One day Sir crossed his limits when his wife was not around and her mother was in backyard doing some work. Rajni came out running in tears with no clothes on. When her mother came, he started shouting on her – “What kind of daughter you have, she came to my room, asked me to apply ointment on her wound at back and when I did so, she started crying and ran away. Why do you bring her…?” His voice trailed off when he saw his wife standing in front of him. Madam went on to Rajni and asked her politely on how did she get that wound? Rajni stood still with just silent tears. She gave a disgusted look to her husband and asked again stroking her hair, Rajni just turned to look at her mother who immediately replied, “Madam she is a kid, must have fallen somewhere while playing”. “Radha, by hiding the truth you are not only doing wrong for your daughter’s present but future as well. Firstly you are teaching her to tell lies and secondly you are making her weak by not fighting for her. She will meet all kinds of men in future, where all and till when do you expect her to be silent and feel guilty about being a girl”. A storm followed in that household after that, but Rajni definitely got to understand one thing – it’s not her fault if any man misbehaves with her and it is not right to tolerate such behavior from men. While it’s in her hand to save her dignity but if someone plays with it, she has full right to voice it out and fight for herself.

Rajni is an independent working woman today with a confident personality and a rational mind. Thank God, she had a madam in her life else she would have also been the part of majority who never know when and how to raise their voice and become victims of extremes. From 4 year old girl being gang raped by group of men to 12 year old girl being raped by her own father, there are enough such ghastly examples around us which just leaves you wondering on the extremities of human behavior! Can this really happen to those innocent souls?

“Sssshhhh, “Hussshh” or “Kisi se yeh batane ki zaroorat nahi” are some of the most common ways in which Child Sexual Abuse has traditionally been dealt with in India. Not only India is a country with one of the highest child abuse cases, rather 53% of children in India have faced some or other form of sexual abuse in their lives! The impact and after effects are many – from insecurity to depression, from being conscious towards your own body to hating the natural growth, from being weak to being scared, from physical woes to psychological traumas…and if not discussed or addressed properly at the right time, such abuse can actually leave a life time scar on the victim’s mind. So, do not try to keep it under wraps just because you are scared of confronting the abuser, make your kids and other kids around you aware of right & wrong and empower them to express their feelings freely to you. Educate them to deal with it and support them to overcome it.

In case you’re looking for more info on Child Sexual Abuse or steps and support to deal with it, do check out this blog by CSA Team. This is one place where you can get almost all possible information related to this issue; you can also connect with the team on Twitter or join their movement on Facebook.

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011 · Child Sexual Abuse India

“Ssshhhh”…The most common way of dealing with CSA in India!

She spoke to her mom first but mom being in need of money from that household just told the 8 year old Rajni to stay away from Sir. She replied, “but Maa I never go to him, he himself calls me in his room to do some or other work and starts doing ……”. “Rubbish”, interrupted the mother immediately, “it’s in hands of the girl to save her own image and dignity”. “What dignity maa?” “Nothing, just don’t go to his room and don’t speak to Madam about it, we will do our work here and go home. Don’t mention this to anyone else as well, otherwise people will think that I’m using you to make more money and will create bad name for us.” What dignity & what name…Rajni was confused, for her 8 year old mind was just not equipped enough to understand these things. All she knew was that if she will tell it to someone else, her mother’s name would be spoilt and so she has to remain silent.

This went on for months, sometimes she was successful in avoiding him whereas at others she was not. He would fondle her, play with her, molest her and threaten her to not tell these things to his wife or her mother. At times threatening went on to physically abusing her too but in a 'different' way! Rajni was scared to come to that house but did not want to stay at her own home also as if not Sir there was her drunkard father ready to beat and abuse her for whatever reason possible. One day Sir crossed his limits when his wife was not around and her mother was in backyard doing some work. Rajni came out running in tears with no clothes on. When her mother came, he started shouting on her – “What kind of daughter you have, she came to my room, asked me to apply ointment on her wound at back and when I did so, she started crying and ran away. Why do you bring her…?” His voice trailed off when he saw his wife standing in front of him. Madam went on to Rajni and asked her politely on how did she get that wound? Rajni stood still with just silent tears. She gave a disgusted look to her husband and asked again stroking her hair, Rajni just turned to look at her mother who immediately replied, “Madam she is a kid, must have fallen somewhere while playing”. “Radha, by hiding the truth you are not only doing wrong for your daughter’s present but future as well. Firstly you are teaching her to tell lies and secondly you are making her weak by not fighting for her. She will meet all kinds of men in future, where all and till when do you expect her to be silent and feel guilty about being a girl”. A storm followed in that household after that, but Rajni definitely got to understand one thing – it’s not her fault if any man misbehaves with her and it is not right to tolerate such behavior from men. While it’s in her hand to save her dignity but if someone plays with it, she has full right to voice it out and fight for herself.

Rajni is an independent working woman today with a confident personality and a rational mind. Thank God, she had a madam in her life else she would have also been the part of majority who never know when and how to raise their voice and become victims of extremes. From 4 year old girl being gang raped by group of men to 12 year old girl being raped by her own father, there are enough such ghastly examples around us which just leaves you wondering on the extremities of human behavior! Can this really happen to those innocent souls?

“Sssshhhh, “Hussshh” or “Kisi se yeh batane ki zaroorat nahi” are some of the most common ways in which Child Sexual Abuse has traditionally been dealt with in India. Not only India is a country with one of the highest child abuse cases, rather 53% of children in India have faced some or other form of sexual abuse in their lives! The impact and after effects are many – from insecurity to depression, from being conscious towards your own body to hating the natural growth, from being weak to being scared, from physical woes to psychological traumas…and if not discussed or addressed properly at the right time, such abuse can actually leave a life time scar on the victim’s mind. So, do not try to keep it under wraps just because you are scared of confronting the abuser, make your kids and other kids around you aware of right & wrong and empower them to express their feelings freely to you. Educate them to deal with it and support them to overcome it.

In case you’re looking for more info on Child Sexual Abuse or steps and support to deal with it, do check out this blog by CSA Team. This is one place where you can get almost all possible information related to this issue; you can also connect with the team on Twitter or join their movement on Facebook.

April 2011 has been declared as Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, it's a social initiative being taken by few blogger & twitter friends. Child Sexual Abuse is yet another social issue in India which has been increasing at an alarming rate and the incidences which we get to hear are nasty and hideous in unimaginable ways yet its not discussed openly by many. Through this initiative the CSA team wants to bring the issue to the fore, generate discussions and increase awareness towards this topic.

This Blog-A-Thon begins on 1st April 2011 and if you want to be a part of this, you can mail them at csa.awareness.april@gmail.com

More details about this initiative is available at their blog and in case you want to be updated with their initiatives you can follow them on Twitter or join their Facebook page.

I'm in, how about you?

Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month April 2011 · CSAAM April 2011 · Musings

Child Sexual Awareness Abuse Month - April 2011

April 2011 has been declared as Child Sexual Abuse Awareness Month, it's a social initiative being taken by few blogger & twitter friends. Child Sexual Abuse is yet another social issue in India which has been increasing at an alarming rate and the incidences which we get to hear are nasty and hideous in unimaginable ways yet its not discussed openly by many. Through this initiative the CSA team wants to bring the issue to the fore, generate discussions and increase awareness towards this topic.

This Blog-A-Thon begins on 1st April 2011 and if you want to be a part of this, you can mail them at csa.awareness.april@gmail.com

More details about this initiative is available at their blog and in case you want to be updated with their initiatives you can follow them on Twitter or join their Facebook page.

I'm in, how about you?

HOLI is here! Good thing this time is that my both sides of family are in Bangalore. So, Holi is going to be fun this year…. I don’t remember when was the last time we had a holi happily together. I’m looking forward to the festivity with family & friends. Not to forget the privilege of enjoying cross cultural Holi special delicacies being cooked by my Mom & MIL :). Bad part is that Holi is on a Sunday & we missed one holiday, else we would have got one more holiday for “holi”day. And sad part is that with any festival around, we miss Kishu and Amitesh Bhaiya more and more and more … any enjoyment or celebration can never be complete without them. Never, Ever! But we will celebrate the festival this time – from inlaws side, this will be first holi for my sister-in-law at our place after her marriage and from my side this will be my first holi with my mom after my marriage :). So, HAPPY HOLI to my family, friends, blog readers & my well-wishers.

Wish you a very colorful & vibrant holi. May god gift you all the colors in life - colors of joy, colors of happiness, colors of friendship, colors of love, colors of success and all other colors which you want to paint your life with.
Play safe & have fun!

Happy Holi · Just Generally · Kishu

Happy Holi!

HOLI is here! Good thing this time is that my both sides of family are in Bangalore. So, Holi is going to be fun this year…. I don’t remember when was the last time we had a holi happily together. I’m looking forward to the festivity with family & friends. Not to forget the privilege of enjoying cross cultural Holi special delicacies being cooked by my Mom & MIL :). Bad part is that Holi is on a Sunday & we missed one holiday, else we would have got one more holiday for “holi”day. And sad part is that with any festival around, we miss Kishu and Amitesh Bhaiya more and more and more … any enjoyment or celebration can never be complete without them. Never, Ever! But we will celebrate the festival this time – from inlaws side, this will be first holi for my sister-in-law at our place after her marriage and from my side this will be my first holi with my mom after my marriage :). So, HAPPY HOLI to my family, friends, blog readers & my well-wishers.

Wish you a very colorful & vibrant holi. May god gift you all the colors in life - colors of joy, colors of happiness, colors of friendship, colors of love, colors of success and all other colors which you want to paint your life with.
Play safe & have fun!

This is not the first rather third incidence, which I would have heard in last one month. Yet another close couple separating their ways and yet again in a very ugly way! Friends’ going through divorce has become a common norm these days, earlier we used to get surprised a lot but now it has sort of become acceptable to us. In some cases its better that they separated their ways and in others we kept on wondering why did they do so, wasn’t it too small a reason to end their relationship? But as we know, to each its own and we can’t be judgmental about any relationship esp. of a very personal relationship like husband and wife. But you know in some cases, it does feel bad when you see them going through emotional trauma of separation for weeks and months together. Some are smart but not all are yet adapted to this “move on” philosophy in life and they go through hell lot of turbulence inside to accept this “moving on” funda.

Now the reason to write this post is a different observation in all these three divorces – in all three cases its the women who have walked out of their relationship. Nothing wrong in that and being a liberal woman myself I am of very strong opinion that in today’s age women are not bound to accept the male dominance in any relationship. If it’s not working out for them, they have equal rights to seek liberty from a bad relationship as against continuing to be the bearer of miseries forever. But then, being married for sometime now, I also believe that marriages can’t run on ego, one needs to adjust and adapt to the relationship and continuously work on it to keep it lively and enjoyable. Then, why am I surprised to see these women walking out of their relationships? Well, let me describe one case here and then would love to hear your opinion on this.

So, this couple had gone for a love marriage, knew each other for at least 4 years before they got married. They stay in a nuclear family; husband’s mom (father not there) stays in her hometown but occasionally comes to visit them once or twice a year. He is the only child and lost his father at very young age, mom brought him single-handedly and ensured to give him good education and career. Girl knew all this earlier as well though somehow she could never adjust to her mother in law even if her visits used to be for hardly a month in a year. The conflict has mainly been between the lifestyle differences plus the girl being a metro bred one was never ok with her old MIL staying with them. She never had seen any of her grand parents staying with them in their household and was not willing to put up with additional responsibilities in her life. We always felt that the girl was too rude, too arrogant and too independent for a married life with a middle class family oriented man, but then you know we are no one to make any such judgments on their relationships. Though as neighbors we always knew that there used to be chaos and this girl used to shout at top of his voice on her MIL, at times we used to wonder how can someone shout like that on her husband’s mom but then…

This girl is a popular social media figure, has enough of Facebook fans, Twitter following and blog readers in front of whom she has created a perfect image. And why not, after all it’s so easy to project this “perfect” image in virtual world, to add to that she is quite chatty and good at networking. She has so called friends who are mainly her friends from virtual world and who think that this girl is just too happening and cool! We’re sure half of her these virtual friends have not met her even once, though as it goes in social media these days – ‘you follow me, I follow you’; ‘I crib and you give me twugs, you crib and I give you awww baby hugs’; ‘you like my comments and I like yours’. Same was the case with her, this girl will crib and criticize about her MIL and how miserable her married life is, that she is going through domestic violence and she has enough such virtual friends and pseudo counselors who will come and tell her things like “awwww baby, you must not tolerate this shit and don’t worry we are with you”! I have no idea how are they going to be with her when she has now decided to walk out of her relationship only because her husband has not agreed to her terms of cutting off all his terms with his mother. We were there when that last fight was going on, the girl stormed out of her house and said, “you wanna see what can I do to you if you will not agree to me”, she hurt her hand badly by banging it on the gate and then ran outside, went to the nearest police station and complained with teary eyes that she has been beaten by her husband! The guy was in lock up whole night…anyways they are now on a path to separation and which is happening in a very ugly way. Girl has put enough blame on him and has always threatened him to spoil his image badly. But obviously she had some husband’s friends also in her Facebook friend’s list and every time she puts one such comments about her bad MIL or sad married life, husband had to face enough embarrassment. Though husband’s friends know him and his personality but then this virtual gang of hers is too large in a number. Few real ones tried to comment on her blog posts about some bit of realities as against the perception which she has built but now she has made her blog private.

We have no idea what she is up to, why she went ahead and got her 4 month pregnancy aborted just because she does not want to have any “liability” from her relationship with her current husband and how can people console her without knowing the reality by saying stuffs like “ohhhh poor gal, don’t worry everything will be fine and don’t take any shit from that man, we are there with you”.

Hmmmm…. having spent some good amount of time with them we do feel sad for them and more for her… we think she is living in a mirage and her virtual existence has dominated her real one totally. She thinks she is sort of a celebrity and she has enough help available for her esp. with so many people justifying her stance. But wonder how many of them are for real and will they have same opinion when they will come to know of some realities of their life? Will they really come to help her or share her loneliness in real life?

Do you also think that these days virtual personalities are dominating the real ones for some people? Do you think that virtual successes of some people actually get on to their heads? Do you think that its good to be judgmental and offer blind support to someone esp. in as serious matters as relationships and separation just because you don’t want to lose that follower of yours on twitter or regular commentator on your blog?

This is just one incidence, I will come back with few more such real life cases as I do see it happening around me and at an increasing rate now.

Musings · Relationship · Virtual Personalities

Of Relationships - Part 1

This is not the first rather third incidence, which I would have heard in last one month. Yet another close couple separating their ways and yet again in a very ugly way! Friends’ going through divorce has become a common norm these days, earlier we used to get surprised a lot but now it has sort of become acceptable to us. In some cases its better that they separated their ways and in others we kept on wondering why did they do so, wasn’t it too small a reason to end their relationship? But as we know, to each its own and we can’t be judgmental about any relationship esp. of a very personal relationship like husband and wife. But you know in some cases, it does feel bad when you see them going through emotional trauma of separation for weeks and months together. Some are smart but not all are yet adapted to this “move on” philosophy in life and they go through hell lot of turbulence inside to accept this “moving on” funda.

Now the reason to write this post is a different observation in all these three divorces – in all three cases its the women who have walked out of their relationship. Nothing wrong in that and being a liberal woman myself I am of very strong opinion that in today’s age women are not bound to accept the male dominance in any relationship. If it’s not working out for them, they have equal rights to seek liberty from a bad relationship as against continuing to be the bearer of miseries forever. But then, being married for sometime now, I also believe that marriages can’t run on ego, one needs to adjust and adapt to the relationship and continuously work on it to keep it lively and enjoyable. Then, why am I surprised to see these women walking out of their relationships? Well, let me describe one case here and then would love to hear your opinion on this.

So, this couple had gone for a love marriage, knew each other for at least 4 years before they got married. They stay in a nuclear family; husband’s mom (father not there) stays in her hometown but occasionally comes to visit them once or twice a year. He is the only child and lost his father at very young age, mom brought him single-handedly and ensured to give him good education and career. Girl knew all this earlier as well though somehow she could never adjust to her mother in law even if her visits used to be for hardly a month in a year. The conflict has mainly been between the lifestyle differences plus the girl being a metro bred one was never ok with her old MIL staying with them. She never had seen any of her grand parents staying with them in their household and was not willing to put up with additional responsibilities in her life. We always felt that the girl was too rude, too arrogant and too independent for a married life with a middle class family oriented man, but then you know we are no one to make any such judgments on their relationships. Though as neighbors we always knew that there used to be chaos and this girl used to shout at top of his voice on her MIL, at times we used to wonder how can someone shout like that on her husband’s mom but then…

This girl is a popular social media figure, has enough of Facebook fans, Twitter following and blog readers in front of whom she has created a perfect image. And why not, after all it’s so easy to project this “perfect” image in virtual world, to add to that she is quite chatty and good at networking. She has so called friends who are mainly her friends from virtual world and who think that this girl is just too happening and cool! We’re sure half of her these virtual friends have not met her even once, though as it goes in social media these days – ‘you follow me, I follow you’; ‘I crib and you give me twugs, you crib and I give you awww baby hugs’; ‘you like my comments and I like yours’. Same was the case with her, this girl will crib and criticize about her MIL and how miserable her married life is, that she is going through domestic violence and she has enough such virtual friends and pseudo counselors who will come and tell her things like “awwww baby, you must not tolerate this shit and don’t worry we are with you”! I have no idea how are they going to be with her when she has now decided to walk out of her relationship only because her husband has not agreed to her terms of cutting off all his terms with his mother. We were there when that last fight was going on, the girl stormed out of her house and said, “you wanna see what can I do to you if you will not agree to me”, she hurt her hand badly by banging it on the gate and then ran outside, went to the nearest police station and complained with teary eyes that she has been beaten by her husband! The guy was in lock up whole night…anyways they are now on a path to separation and which is happening in a very ugly way. Girl has put enough blame on him and has always threatened him to spoil his image badly. But obviously she had some husband’s friends also in her Facebook friend’s list and every time she puts one such comments about her bad MIL or sad married life, husband had to face enough embarrassment. Though husband’s friends know him and his personality but then this virtual gang of hers is too large in a number. Few real ones tried to comment on her blog posts about some bit of realities as against the perception which she has built but now she has made her blog private.

We have no idea what she is up to, why she went ahead and got her 4 month pregnancy aborted just because she does not want to have any “liability” from her relationship with her current husband and how can people console her without knowing the reality by saying stuffs like “ohhhh poor gal, don’t worry everything will be fine and don’t take any shit from that man, we are there with you”.

Hmmmm…. having spent some good amount of time with them we do feel sad for them and more for her… we think she is living in a mirage and her virtual existence has dominated her real one totally. She thinks she is sort of a celebrity and she has enough help available for her esp. with so many people justifying her stance. But wonder how many of them are for real and will they have same opinion when they will come to know of some realities of their life? Will they really come to help her or share her loneliness in real life?

Do you also think that these days virtual personalities are dominating the real ones for some people? Do you think that virtual successes of some people actually get on to their heads? Do you think that its good to be judgmental and offer blind support to someone esp. in as serious matters as relationships and separation just because you don’t want to lose that follower of yours on twitter or regular commentator on your blog?

This is just one incidence, I will come back with few more such real life cases as I do see it happening around me and at an increasing rate now.

And finally I have finished reading “Love Marriage” by V.V. Ganeshananthan and this will be my first read for 2011 South Asian Reading Challenge for which I signed up last Dec. This book took me unexpectedly long to complete. Blame it on my ill health these days, other engagements as well as the fact that it is not as easy read as I had thought it to be. Maybe the perception of title which somehow made me think that it’s going to be a simple and quick read which it definitely is not. In fact the book needed a lot more concentration and undivided attention as it revolved around many characters and zoomed in different time spans. To simply put, if “Persepolis” was all about childhood of Satrapi in Iran during the turbulent years of Iranian Revolution, “Love Marriage” was all about growing years of Yalini in US during turbulent years in Sri Lanka.

Yalini is an American-born daughter of Sri Lankan immigrants Murali and Vani, she is always confused about her identity which splits between her modern lifestyle of America and her traditional Tamil ancestry from Sri Lanka. Yalini is born in July 1983, a very dark month for Sri Lankan Tamils as it was in this phase when many Tamils were killed in riots and those who survived, scattered across the globe to save their existence. Her parents had left Sri Lanka earlier considering the difficult and violent times ahead but Yalini’s maternal uncle Kumaran decided to join the group of rebels and became a Tamil Tiger. He had this motive to fight for the cause of Tamils in Sri Lanka, though at a later stage of life he had to leave due to his incurable Cancer. Yalini’s life takes a dramatic turn when she meets her uncle Kumaran who despite his grievances against Murali & Vani’s love marriage decides to spend last few days of his life with his loving sister Vani. Yalini goes through a difficult emotional struggle trying to understand her uncle’s perspective, her family background, her cousin Janani, her traditions and many other such interesting pieces which finally get woven into a very strong and poignant story.

As I always do with my reviews, I’m not revealing the complete plot of the book as it’s for the readers to read and savor those details. “Love Marriage” is touching, well written and insightful, though I must admit that it gets confusing also at certain places. With 293 pages divided between so many characters, their individual stories and the frequent oscillation between past & present leave you perplexed at times. There have been moments when I had to go back to the first page to understand the family hierarchy in order to relate to that character properly.

I think, it’s definitely a good read but do not confuse it for a romantic book due to its title, the book is more of realities of life, social and political issues facing Tamils in Sri Lanka than a typical fable of love and marriages.

About the Author: “Love Marriage” is a debut novel of V.V. Ganeshananthan. She is a fiction writer and journalist, is a graduate of Harvard College, the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, and the M.A. program at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism, where she was a Bollinger Fellow specializing in arts and culture journalism. You can read more about the author here.

Other Details of the Book:
Pages: 320
Published in: April 2008
Price: Rs. 350, though I bought it for Rs. 291 from Flipkart.

2011 South Asian Challenge · 2011 South Asian Reading Challenge · Book Review · Books · Love Marriage Book Review

LOVE MARRIAGE : The Book

And finally I have finished reading “Love Marriage” by V.V. Ganeshananthan and this will be my first read for 2011 South Asian Reading Challenge for which I signed up last Dec. This book took me unexpectedly long to complete. Blame it on my ill health these days, other engagements as well as the fact that it is not as easy read as I had thought it to be. Maybe the perception of title which somehow made me think that it’s going to be a simple and quick read which it definitely is not. In fact the book needed a lot more concentration and undivided attention as it revolved around many characters and zoomed in different time spans. To simply put, if “Persepolis” was all about childhood of Satrapi in Iran during the turbulent years of Iranian Revolution, “Love Marriage” was all about growing years of Yalini in US during turbulent years in Sri Lanka.

Yalini is an American-born daughter of Sri Lankan immigrants Murali and Vani, she is always confused about her identity which splits between her modern lifestyle of America and her traditional Tamil ancestry from Sri Lanka. Yalini is born in July 1983, a very dark month for Sri Lankan Tamils as it was in this phase when many Tamils were killed in riots and those who survived, scattered across the globe to save their existence. Her parents had left Sri Lanka earlier considering the difficult and violent times ahead but Yalini’s maternal uncle Kumaran decided to join the group of rebels and became a Tamil Tiger. He had this motive to fight for the cause of Tamils in Sri Lanka, though at a later stage of life he had to leave due to his incurable Cancer. Yalini’s life takes a dramatic turn when she meets her uncle Kumaran who despite his grievances against Murali & Vani’s love marriage decides to spend last few days of his life with his loving sister Vani. Yalini goes through a difficult emotional struggle trying to understand her uncle’s perspective, her family background, her cousin Janani, her traditions and many other such interesting pieces which finally get woven into a very strong and poignant story.

As I always do with my reviews, I’m not revealing the complete plot of the book as it’s for the readers to read and savor those details. “Love Marriage” is touching, well written and insightful, though I must admit that it gets confusing also at certain places. With 293 pages divided between so many characters, their individual stories and the frequent oscillation between past & present leave you perplexed at times. There have been moments when I had to go back to the first page to understand the family hierarchy in order to relate to that character properly.

I think, it’s definitely a good read but do not confuse it for a romantic book due to its title, the book is more of realities of life, social and political issues facing Tamils in Sri Lanka than a typical fable of love and marriages.

About the Author: “Love Marriage” is a debut novel of V.V. Ganeshananthan. She is a fiction writer and journalist, is a graduate of Harvard College, the Iowa Writers’ Workshop, and the M.A. program at Columbia University’s Graduate School of Journalism, where she was a Bollinger Fellow specializing in arts and culture journalism. You can read more about the author here.

Other Details of the Book:
Pages: 320
Published in: April 2008
Price: Rs. 350, though I bought it for Rs. 291 from Flipkart.

This particular rose plant in my balcony definitely seems to be quite romantic at heart. Whenever there has been a bloom in this plant, it has always been in pair. Don't these flowers look like as if they are in love :) ?

Just Generally · Love

Wordless Wednesday: Flowers in love

This particular rose plant in my balcony definitely seems to be quite romantic at heart. Whenever there has been a bloom in this plant, it has always been in pair. Don't these flowers look like as if they are in love :) ?

Yet another 5th Feb, yet another reminder of 5th Feb 2009. 2 years…730 days without Kishu! Life goes on but can never be same, yes it does move on but with a brutal pain. Today also when I look at his photo it feels like he will speak any moment and laugh his loud laugh again…but alas certain wishes just remain wishes forever and certain realities are too illusive to accept. Earlier it was painful to remember him but now I do it purposefully as memories of Kishu are the only things left with us and I just don't want to fade it ever. Wherever he is, I just hope he is fine and happy in a new life… can’t even say we miss him as till now we have not forgotten him even for a moment to miss him...

death · Kishu · life

Yet another 5th Feb!

Yet another 5th Feb, yet another reminder of 5th Feb 2009. 2 years…730 days without Kishu! Life goes on but can never be same, yes it does move on but with a brutal pain. Today also when I look at his photo it feels like he will speak any moment and laugh his loud laugh again…but alas certain wishes just remain wishes forever and certain realities are too illusive to accept. Earlier it was painful to remember him but now I do it purposefully as memories of Kishu are the only things left with us and I just don't want to fade it ever. Wherever he is, I just hope he is fine and happy in a new life… can’t even say we miss him as till now we have not forgotten him even for a moment to miss him...

I actually quite liked Dhobi Ghat, I really did. When I voiced this out on Facebook, there were few who expressed their opinions reverse to mine with questions on how could I like “such” a confused and boring movie? Well, to each his own…not even for a second I found the movie to be boring and there was no question of confusion at all. In fact the sequencing was seamlessly interwoven to give a complete picture in the end. If anything, this not so obvious narrative actually kept me glued on to screen from start to end. Here are 5 reasons why you must watch Dhobi Ghat:

• It’s different, it actually is. Don’t remember any other Hindi movie being made this way.
• The story is interesting, keeps your attention focused on the screen from start to end.
• Prateik Babbar! Yes, he (character Munna) is definitely one of the reasons for me to like this movie; this actor has finally arrived. Apart from Prateik, definite mentions of debutantes Monica Dogra (Shai) & Ruchika Malhotra (Yasmin), they were awesome too. Difficult to decide who did better between the two, both lived their roles perfectly.
• The direction, I loved it. The way this movie interlinks different stories and different characters is just so fascinating.
• I remember reading a tweet from Rahul Bose which said something like “Dhobi Ghat is one Indian movie which qualifies as world movie”. I so agree to him, it indeed is a world cinema material.
  

Some flip side of the movie – it is slow and at times dragging too, does not have any bollywood commercialism in form of songs or dance sequences, can get boring for those who do not like slow movies. Heavy at times but has it’s light moments too with a very different treatment. While few from audience actually left the movie half way by criticizing it, there were other few who actually gave standing ovation to it once the movie ended! Overall, for me it’s a movie with artistic values and definitely worth watching.

Did watch many other movies recently – Anjaana Anjaani (thank god, I did not waste my money on it in theater), No One Killed Jessica (really liked it) & Black Swan (loved, loved, loved it, this movie definitely deserves a separate post).

Did you watch Dhobi Ghat? Did you like it?

dhobi ghat review · Movie Review · Movies · no one killed jessica · World Movies

Dhobi Ghat: A pleasure to watch

I actually quite liked Dhobi Ghat, I really did. When I voiced this out on Facebook, there were few who expressed their opinions reverse to mine with questions on how could I like “such” a confused and boring movie? Well, to each his own…not even for a second I found the movie to be boring and there was no question of confusion at all. In fact the sequencing was seamlessly interwoven to give a complete picture in the end. If anything, this not so obvious narrative actually kept me glued on to screen from start to end. Here are 5 reasons why you must watch Dhobi Ghat:

• It’s different, it actually is. Don’t remember any other Hindi movie being made this way.
• The story is interesting, keeps your attention focused on the screen from start to end.
• Prateik Babbar! Yes, he (character Munna) is definitely one of the reasons for me to like this movie; this actor has finally arrived. Apart from Prateik, definite mentions of debutantes Monica Dogra (Shai) & Ruchika Malhotra (Yasmin), they were awesome too. Difficult to decide who did better between the two, both lived their roles perfectly.
• The direction, I loved it. The way this movie interlinks different stories and different characters is just so fascinating.
• I remember reading a tweet from Rahul Bose which said something like “Dhobi Ghat is one Indian movie which qualifies as world movie”. I so agree to him, it indeed is a world cinema material.
  

Some flip side of the movie – it is slow and at times dragging too, does not have any bollywood commercialism in form of songs or dance sequences, can get boring for those who do not like slow movies. Heavy at times but has it’s light moments too with a very different treatment. While few from audience actually left the movie half way by criticizing it, there were other few who actually gave standing ovation to it once the movie ended! Overall, for me it’s a movie with artistic values and definitely worth watching.

Did watch many other movies recently – Anjaana Anjaani (thank god, I did not waste my money on it in theater), No One Killed Jessica (really liked it) & Black Swan (loved, loved, loved it, this movie definitely deserves a separate post).

Did you watch Dhobi Ghat? Did you like it?

Well, this post is bit cynical. I know it exudes negativity but still can't help it...I think I'm going through one such phase of life where God has decided to challenge my own convictions and shake my strongest beliefs. When I thought the worst which could happen to us was Kishu's death, God decided to prove me wrong. Well, there are things which can be worse than his death and can very much happen in my life anyday, anytime! When I thought things are at its toughest and soon I will get to see the brighter side, God decided to put me to trials tougher than toughest, to situations which I never even imagined I could bear...and it’s not that I’m not trying to face the problems or not fighting against it, have always done so ever since my childhood and still doing it but then I think almost everybody reaches a point where you just want to know two things – “what else” & “till when”! I also know there are many who might have been facing worse than me and there are many who can still manage to maintain their calm but for me I’m at a stage where no positive word or theoretical gyaan can actually soothe me anymore. If anything, these so called inspirational words just make me feel worse…wrote the following words few days back in one of my scornful moods after being bugged up by three consecutive calls from relatives who just do not know anything apart from imparting hypothetical gyaan on how only I’m responsible for the direction in which my life will move ahead! Revisited it again today after yet another similar call. Well giving gyaan is one thing and going through these tribulations is just another…only those who experience the situation know how difficult at times it gets to maintain your calm and sanity in front of others despite the storm and calamity which you have been going through internally…

Life: They Say...Then Why!

They say,
That every dark cloud has a silver lining,
Then why this one is eternally darkening?

That there is a light at the end of every tunnel,
But what if the journey within is just too agonal!

That the toughest and strongest often lead the league,
But can’t the strongest have their moments of fatigue?

That in all things it is better to hope than to despair,
What if the hope is smashed and shattered beyond repair?

That think positive and everything will be fine,
Tried it; many a times but life is just on a continual decline!
- Kanupriya

This does not mean that I have lost my faith completely, neither do I believe that things will never be fine for me…It’s just that I think it’s better to lie low and let the tide flow when tide is totally against you and refusing to get slow. Trying to swim when the tide is against is just making me more and more exhausted.

Kishu · life · Musings · Poems · quotes

Life: They Say...Then Why!

Well, this post is bit cynical. I know it exudes negativity but still can't help it...I think I'm going through one such phase of life where God has decided to challenge my own convictions and shake my strongest beliefs. When I thought the worst which could happen to us was Kishu's death, God decided to prove me wrong. Well, there are things which can be worse than his death and can very much happen in my life anyday, anytime! When I thought things are at its toughest and soon I will get to see the brighter side, God decided to put me to trials tougher than toughest, to situations which I never even imagined I could bear...and it’s not that I’m not trying to face the problems or not fighting against it, have always done so ever since my childhood and still doing it but then I think almost everybody reaches a point where you just want to know two things – “what else” & “till when”! I also know there are many who might have been facing worse than me and there are many who can still manage to maintain their calm but for me I’m at a stage where no positive word or theoretical gyaan can actually soothe me anymore. If anything, these so called inspirational words just make me feel worse…wrote the following words few days back in one of my scornful moods after being bugged up by three consecutive calls from relatives who just do not know anything apart from imparting hypothetical gyaan on how only I’m responsible for the direction in which my life will move ahead! Revisited it again today after yet another similar call. Well giving gyaan is one thing and going through these tribulations is just another…only those who experience the situation know how difficult at times it gets to maintain your calm and sanity in front of others despite the storm and calamity which you have been going through internally…

Life: They Say...Then Why!

They say,
That every dark cloud has a silver lining,
Then why this one is eternally darkening?

That there is a light at the end of every tunnel,
But what if the journey within is just too agonal!

That the toughest and strongest often lead the league,
But can’t the strongest have their moments of fatigue?

That in all things it is better to hope than to despair,
What if the hope is smashed and shattered beyond repair?

That think positive and everything will be fine,
Tried it; many a times but life is just on a continual decline!
- Kanupriya

This does not mean that I have lost my faith completely, neither do I believe that things will never be fine for me…It’s just that I think it’s better to lie low and let the tide flow when tide is totally against you and refusing to get slow. Trying to swim when the tide is against is just making me more and more exhausted.

I read a column by Pritish Nandy in Bangalore Times yesterday titled – “Taking it easy”. Not sure if it was my yesterday’s contemplative mood or the relevance of the article which made me like this one so much. Word by word, I found it to be so significant and applicable to lives of many of us.

A piece from the article: “We pay fees for clubs we seldom use, gyms we never visit, doctors we have no faith in, time share resorts we will never go to. It’s all part of the same syndrome. Keeping up with those who you think are better off than you. It could be a friend, a neighbor or that guy in the office you hate the most. You want what he has without figuring whether you really need it. Or even want it. That’s why our homes are crammed with stuff we have grown out of. That stupid music system no one uses because we each have our own iPods. Those ridiculous sneakers we bought that promised to tone our butts as we walked or that joke of a cream that claimed to stop ageing. We are idiots, blindly responding to the stimuli of commercial messaging.
Is it possible to get off this treacherous treadmill? It is. The answer lies in breaking the sameness, deconstructing the routine of our lives, finding new things to do. None of this costs money. What costs money is staying on the treadmill, constantly running. Migrating from your Nokia to a Blackberry may be expensive but leaving it at home and hanging out at the local bookshop is not. No, it doesn’t diminish you if you carry last season’s LV or drive a Nano. You don’t have to afford that paint job in your house every Diwali. Instead, frame those family pictures and hang them up. You may recall many lovely memories that a spotless wall can’t offer. Skip some episodes of Bigg Boss; learn to play the guitar instead. Drop that Ceasar’s salad; try a vada pao. It won’t wreck your diet plan. Even if it does, it won’t matter as long as you’re happy. Feed a street dog. Buy a flute from that young flautist outside the Jehangir. Go trekking. Skip the newspaper. Stroll in a park.”

Sameness, scheduled and stressed…ain’t most of the working young people experiencing the same? Baring a few, I think to whomsoever I speak these days have to say almost similar things about their lives. Speaking about me, I have been going through millions of questions in my mind for past few days. Some spinning around this article and many in different other trajectories.
To think of it, it’s now 7. 5 years for me in Corporate career, don’t remember having even 7.5 days of my own every since I started working way back in mid of 2003. Yes, same rat race every day, every week, every month and every year. Did gain a lot in career but then did I get even few days of my own to sit back, relax and think…well no! Did take some short vacations too but most of them were spent running back to my home town, then after marriage it was in-laws house and if nothing else then managing different tragedies which kept on happening one after another. I try to think more and no, I don’t remember having even a week’s off which was just for me and myself! There are books all around me now but no time to read, so many places which I wanna see but no time to go, those dream holidays which I can afford now but no time to take off, those yum food which I always wanted to try but health does not permit now to do so, that strong desire to just go out and laze around in the warmth of sun on those bright sunny days but then it’s yet another weekday, that……….well I think I can list down some endless desires which most of the times end with but, but and some more buts. And I also know it’s not just me, it’s many like me who go through the same every day. Where’s that thing known as “Taking It Easy” gone for us? And will it ever come back? Well……..

Don’t miss to read the complete article by Pritish Nandy here.

Just Generally · life · Musings

Taking It Easy

I read a column by Pritish Nandy in Bangalore Times yesterday titled – “Taking it easy”. Not sure if it was my yesterday’s contemplative mood or the relevance of the article which made me like this one so much. Word by word, I found it to be so significant and applicable to lives of many of us.

A piece from the article: “We pay fees for clubs we seldom use, gyms we never visit, doctors we have no faith in, time share resorts we will never go to. It’s all part of the same syndrome. Keeping up with those who you think are better off than you. It could be a friend, a neighbor or that guy in the office you hate the most. You want what he has without figuring whether you really need it. Or even want it. That’s why our homes are crammed with stuff we have grown out of. That stupid music system no one uses because we each have our own iPods. Those ridiculous sneakers we bought that promised to tone our butts as we walked or that joke of a cream that claimed to stop ageing. We are idiots, blindly responding to the stimuli of commercial messaging.
Is it possible to get off this treacherous treadmill? It is. The answer lies in breaking the sameness, deconstructing the routine of our lives, finding new things to do. None of this costs money. What costs money is staying on the treadmill, constantly running. Migrating from your Nokia to a Blackberry may be expensive but leaving it at home and hanging out at the local bookshop is not. No, it doesn’t diminish you if you carry last season’s LV or drive a Nano. You don’t have to afford that paint job in your house every Diwali. Instead, frame those family pictures and hang them up. You may recall many lovely memories that a spotless wall can’t offer. Skip some episodes of Bigg Boss; learn to play the guitar instead. Drop that Ceasar’s salad; try a vada pao. It won’t wreck your diet plan. Even if it does, it won’t matter as long as you’re happy. Feed a street dog. Buy a flute from that young flautist outside the Jehangir. Go trekking. Skip the newspaper. Stroll in a park.”

Sameness, scheduled and stressed…ain’t most of the working young people experiencing the same? Baring a few, I think to whomsoever I speak these days have to say almost similar things about their lives. Speaking about me, I have been going through millions of questions in my mind for past few days. Some spinning around this article and many in different other trajectories.
To think of it, it’s now 7. 5 years for me in Corporate career, don’t remember having even 7.5 days of my own every since I started working way back in mid of 2003. Yes, same rat race every day, every week, every month and every year. Did gain a lot in career but then did I get even few days of my own to sit back, relax and think…well no! Did take some short vacations too but most of them were spent running back to my home town, then after marriage it was in-laws house and if nothing else then managing different tragedies which kept on happening one after another. I try to think more and no, I don’t remember having even a week’s off which was just for me and myself! There are books all around me now but no time to read, so many places which I wanna see but no time to go, those dream holidays which I can afford now but no time to take off, those yum food which I always wanted to try but health does not permit now to do so, that strong desire to just go out and laze around in the warmth of sun on those bright sunny days but then it’s yet another weekday, that……….well I think I can list down some endless desires which most of the times end with but, but and some more buts. And I also know it’s not just me, it’s many like me who go through the same every day. Where’s that thing known as “Taking It Easy” gone for us? And will it ever come back? Well……..

Don’t miss to read the complete article by Pritish Nandy here.